So I’ve tried just about everything (thanks to gouchi and hunterk for their patience in helping me out). I’ve done the following:
Stopped Retroarch through SSH through Putty
Edited the Retroarch.cfg file with the following:
Enabled the audio device (hdmi:CARD=HDMI,DEV=0)
Changed the video monitor index (=“1”)
Disabled the menu ribbon (shader) (=“0”)
Checked the LVDS output (LVDS=“disconnected”, HDMI-1-A=“connected”, HDMI-1-B=“disconnected”)
Changed the bootloader so that it would actually MOUNT the damn drive with the UUID of the corresponding drive with my ROMs and ISOs on it!
Uninstalled the SSD that I put in and reinstalled the original SSD that came with the Chromebox, and then back again
Went and installed Lakka onto the SSD, and then booted from Live USB
Reinstalled SeaBIOS through Ubuntu’s terminal (enabling SSH and PXN along the way, no less)
Nothing worked. AT ALL.
So just to make sure it was the box, I took the live USB to a 6-year old i3 laptop I had lying around, just to make sure, and attached the same USB 3.0 external filled with ROMs/ISOs HDD, live USB drive and Dual Shock 3 controller I was using to try to get Lakka to work on the CN-60.
Link to the Past in less than 60 seconds.
I’m done with this box. LOL. I’m pretty sure this one is user-error on my part and I messed up the installation somehow on the CN-60. But hey, at least it runs Ubuntu! 